i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
