chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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