Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
