I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
