the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize
