We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
