I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
