you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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