I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
