If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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