i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize