Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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