How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
