I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
