I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
