maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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