You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
