You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
