you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
