Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
