new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
