I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
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The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
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Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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