Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
