You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Send help, water and tortillas.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
