So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
