I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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