The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
