She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
