YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
