i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
