but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
