i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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