ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
