I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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