Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
