Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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