There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Come see our sink grown plant.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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