worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
