Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
