You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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