So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
