for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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