Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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