this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
