Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
