I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
