since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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