Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
