Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
