haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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