I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
