Yo dont text me then not text me
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
