Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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