He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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