Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
