Non-Jews are for practice
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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