so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
