Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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