Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
