I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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