dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
