i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
bring money and cleavage
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
