i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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