So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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