I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
