is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
