Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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