some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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