so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
