just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
