you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
