I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
