no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
