Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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