when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
