Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
